Unqualified

If you've never been truly frightened that your children might possibly chew you up and spit you out, please stop reading.  Now.  Please?

I've been feeling that way this week.  Every roll of the eyes has felt like it might crush my soul.  Every huff and puff at the most basic instruction has sucked the oxygen out of my air.  Every stomped foot has rattled my foundations.  The effort of speaking calmly and firmly has sucked the marrow right out of my bones.

I thought Bill Cosby was hilarious when he said, "I brought you into this world and I can take you out!"  I'm not laughing today--I'm afraid they might take me out.

How does a mother quit?  When they were preschoolers it was the thought of keeping them out of foster care that kept me going.  Yesterday I came this close to taking them to the nearest school and dropping them off.

They know better.  Why on earth have they been circling like wolves preying on the weakest in the herd?

Clearly I'm not up for this challenge.  Can't do it.  Ready to admit defeat.

I sit here sorting thoughts while my son is at gymnastics.  Trying not to break into sobs and freak out the other coffee shop patrons.

Thoughts of Jesus' disciples begin filtering through my mind.  Twelve awkward and uneducated men--outspoken, devious, doubting men--charged by the Son of God to go out and change the world.  And they did.  Clearly, He's not big on picking the qualified.  Yet the impossible happens.

How?

The Holy Spirit gave them power they did not have on their own.

He told us that His plans would not be accomplished by might or power, but by His spirit.

I'm all out of might and power.  His Spirit is what I need.

I've told Him many times that I want to be like that tree planted by the water, whose roots go down deep.  That tree that never fails to produce fruit regardless of drought and storm.

How does a tree get roots that go down deep?

Need.

Roots seek water.

I have need of more.  More of His refreshing Spirit to empower me to do the impossible, to love without expecting anything in return, to be faithful in times of difficulty.  

I have tasted and seen that He is good...which gave me an appetite for more.  The only way to contain more is to be stretched.  He's drawn me, called me, irresistibly into a place of wild obedience...stretching me...enlarging my capacity to carry His life and bear much fruit.

My roots are seeking more of Him.  And finding.

But blessed are those who trust in the Lord

and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.

They are like trees planted along a riverbank 

with roots that reach deep into the water.

Such trees are not bothered by the heat

or worried by long months of drought.

Their leaves stay green,

and they never stop producing fruit.

Jeremiah 17:7-8

Acts 2

Zechariah 4:6

More Precious than Gold

I have a confession to make:  In the difficult post-Christmas-break reentry I thought of my friends who were home enjoying the quiet solitude of back-to-school...with envy.  I coveted their undisturbed quiet.  Honestly, how bad would it be to send these stubborn, ungrateful children back to school?  (Please excuse my frustrated emotions--they're really great kids.)

However, those sorts of questions are never the issue when pursuing wild obedience.  Never.  "Hath God said?" has gotten humanity into a whole pile of trouble.

I called one of those lovely friends and she enthusiastically agreed to use some of her happy solitude to pray for me.  She really is a wonderful friend and whole-heartedly supports me in this adventure. 

Wild obedience cannot take place successfully without the support of loving community.

I'm sure it was because of her prayers that I began to remember the ways He's helped me.  Songs of praise began to lift my spirits.  I was renewed in my vision. By Friday we were back on track.  The kids even said it was the best day ever.

These few sentences sound so light-hearted and simple--I don't want you to be misled into thinking this faith walk must be a piece of cake for "some people".  This forging of faith is something deep and precious that happens in the secret place of your relationship with God.
 
Whatever your adventure in wild obedience, I pray that you'll be encouraged.  Your faith is incredibly precious--your determination to obey not taken lightly--by your Father who delights in you.

So be truly glad.  

There is wonderful joy ahead,

even though you have to endure many trials for a little while.

These  trials will show that your faith is genuine.

It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold--

though your faith is far more precious than mere gold.

So when your faith remains strong through many trials,

it will bring you much praise and glory and honor

on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.

You love him even though you have never seen him.

Though you do not see him now, you trust him;

and you rejoice with a glorious, in expressible joy.  

1 Peter 1:6-8

Back to School...Again

I have this idea that good elementary school teachers change up the classroom a bit after the Christmas break.  My good friend and expert elementary teacher Rose had the flu so I was on my own...

Okay, so I don't really think this is inspiring redecoration...for the kids.  I'm hoping that having this gargantuan machine sticking awkwardly out into the room will inspire me to actually use it.  I'm thinking that five minutes here and there while the kids are working will be better than absolutely no exercise at all?

In case you're wondering...  No, I didn't use it today.  One of the kids did!  For more on our first day back you can check out my post on Kryptonite.

One-Third

My lesson plans tell me that we're a little more than one-third of the way through the year's assignments.  Hard to believe...  Hard to believe that I wasn't sure I could do it.  Hard to believe that we've made it this far! 

I think most ventures in wild obedience are like that.  We discover that it's entirely possible to do what He's called us to do and at the same time we recognize that it's only by His power and grace.

I gave myself a little self-assessment...  I'm not doing all the things I thought I'd do.  There are some that I still want to do.  I'm making plans to do better on some of that after Christmas.  I've also realized that it really is okay to dump some of my expectations.  The kids are thriving body, soul and spirit.  The principal seems pretty happy with things.  :-) 

The hard days haven't been as bad as my worst imaginings and the good days have exceeded my expectations.  Somehow I know that would work out to a good mathematical equation if my brain was inclined to go there!

I think we're all ready for Christmas break, but we'll power through with a few accommodations for the season.  We're going to help out with teacher appreciation at my oldest daughter's school tomorrow.  Later in the week we'll take some time off to help with Christmas hampers at the food bank.

Then it's time for some kicking back and relaxing!  It'll be good to have a break from the schedule, but I have a feeling we'll be just as eager to get back at it after a couple weeks.

Ah-ha!

If you follow my other blog, you will have seen the scan of this little book of "Encoragements" that I made when I was eight or nine...  Discovering it gave me a few ah-ha moments regarding my homeschooling adventures. 

With little background in elementary education I sometimes find myself uncertain of what to reasonably expect from my children.  These are my ah-ha thoughts:

1.  There's still lots of hope for their spelling!  Mine sure has improved over the last thirty years.  :-)  I'm not sure I'm on to the right track yet with curriculum.  I'm just encouraged that there's still time to make good spellers out of them yet. 

2.  There's also hope for their handwriting.  My son's writing is downright appalling.  Turns out his teacher thought he had some sort of syndrome that made it impossible for him to form his letters properly.  He has a syndrome, but it`s completely curable.  It's commonly referred to as the "I Don't Care" syndrome.  I don't blame the poor woman as she had thirty students to deal with and his attitude can be formidable.  I decided that I do care and that he will care someday so I ordered a handwriting program and we started at square one. 

I remember feeling embarrassed about my handwriting in Junior High and getting a book and retraining myself.  It is possible to improve handwriting.  Even with habits developed over years. 

There are many ideas floating around about the value of handwriting, etc., so I debated with myself for some time.  In the end, I decided that I`m raising a great man and that great men need to communicate clearly so I would tackle handwriting like it matters.  If he still writes "like a doctor" someday, at least I tried.

3.  Finding this little booklet was very impacting to me personally.  It was like I could see my life in panoramic and realized there`s a strong theme of writing for the purpose of encouragement.  I do already recognize many of the gifts my children have, but it made me want to be more intentional about nurturing those gifts and also alert to ways the enemy would want to destroy them.  I know that in my own life, the places of greatest "calling" have also been the places of greatest attack.  I think part of our role as parents is to recognize the giftings of our children and to be very intentional about speaking truth into the lives of our kids.

Blessings on your parenting, homeschooling, and any other wild adventure that you`re on!!  He who started the good work in you will be faithful to complete it!

Snow Day!

When you're homeschooling "snow day" takes on a whole new meaning.

It means doing your Math and Language and then running outside and living the joy of it!

The cold melting on your tongue.

The wind biting at your cheeks.

Celebrating all the hope and promise of adventures to come.

Carpe diem!!

It seems to me that living the joy of this moment is an act of worship.

This opportunity feels like a gift.

I am thankful!

Picking a Number

We had our first visit with our facilitator this week.  Thanks to my good friend who has had this facilitator for the last few years, I wasn't nervous--I was actually looking forward to it.  She was so delightful, positive and encouraging.  It seemed like she really enjoyed getting to know the kids and their interests.

For the sake of record keeping we had to go over a bunch of lists and I was supposed to grade where my kids are at in their learning process, in both mechanics and attitude.  I've never liked writing report cards, but I found myself pathetically unable to put a number on my kids.  Firstly, I realized that I was inclined to be tougher on my kids than I ever was with other students.  It was hard to pick a high number when I know they're capable of going to the moon and back!  :-)  Secondly, I just plan ol' couldn't reduce them to a number--they're so much more than that.  As much as I love numbers and straight lines and precise measurements and things that fit into tidy boxes, my kids fit into my heart not just my brain.

So today I'm thankful that I have been given the privilege to invest my heart into their minds and their hearts.  It helps because I kind of feel like I need a "day off" and a date with my husband--instead it's a Saturday where he's working and the big sister is off for a tournament.  The break and the date will happen.  Pausing to give thanks renews my strength for today.  That's all I need--strength and joy for today.

"Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy;

no shadow of shame will darken their faces."

Psalm 34:5

*Also wanted to a share a link to a post in Sonlight's blog about requiring proficiency that really encouraged me in some of the choices I'm making with my son.  It might encourage you too!